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Parenting
Supporting and promoting physical, social, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and career development of children from infancy to adulthood is called parenting. Parenting prepares children for independence that is helping to learn about children development, safety & security and health at each phase of life.
Positive Parenting
Positive parenting focuses on establishing strong relationship between parents and children based on mutual communication and respect with emphasis on teaching children. It believes that children are born good and with the desire to do the right things with emphasis on importance of mutual respect and discipline. This approach nurtures proper futuristic behavior instead of punishing on past misbehavior. As parents, you nurture, protect, guide and provide your children a good start in life. As your children grow and develop, there are many things you can do to help your children. Parents who practice positive parenting do not use punishment to correct problematic behavior. Instead, they proactively fulfill the emotional needs of children through positive interactions which prevents a great deal of bad behavior from happening.
Developmental Milestones of Positive parenting
Infants: 0-1 Year of Age
The skills such as taking first step, smiling first time and waving hands to say are developmental milestones at this age phase. Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, behave and move i.e. crawling, walking or jumping.
In the first year, babies learn to focus their vision, reach out, explore and learn about the things around them. Learning language is more than making sounds babble or saying “ma-ma” and “da-da”. Listening, understanding and knowing the names of people and things are part of language development.
During this stage, babies also develop bonds of love and trust with their parents and others as part of social and emotional development. The way parents cuddle, hold and play with their babies set the basis for how they interact with them and others.
Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase
- Talk to your baby, he/she will find your voice calming.
- Answer when your baby makes sounds by repeating the sounds and adding words which will help him/her to learn the use of language.
- Praise your baby to provide him/her loving attention.
- Cuddling your baby will help him/her to feel care and secure.
- Play with your baby when he/she is alert and relaxed.
- Watch your baby closely for signs of being tired or fussy so that he/she can take break from playing.
- Distract your baby with toys and move him/her to safe areas when he/she moves to touch things that should not be touched.
- Do not shake your baby ever as babies have weak neck muscles that are not yet able to support their heads.
- Make sure you always put your baby to sleep on him/her back.
- Protect your baby and family from secondhand smoke. Do not allow anyone to smoke in your home.
- Place your baby in rear-facing car seat in the back seat.
- Do not let your baby play with small toys and other things that may be easy for him/her to swallow.
- Don’t allow the baby to play with anything that covers his/her face.
- Never carry hot liquids or foods near baby or while holding him/her.
- Baby learns about new tastes of food for about 6 to 24 months, but breast milk should still be an important source of nutrition because mother’s feeding meets all needs of baby.
- Feed your baby slowly and patiently.
- Encourage your baby to try new tastes, but without force and watch closely if he/she is still hungry.
- Try not to keep your baby in swings, strollers, bouncer seats and exercise saucers for too long.
- For children younger than 18 months of age, it is the best if babies do not use screen media other than video chatting.
- Make sure your child gets recommended amount of sleep each night: For infants 4-12 months, 12–16 hours per 24 hours (including nap).
Minors: 1-2 Years of Age
Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, behave and move like crawling, walking and jumping. During this age phase, children move around more, are aware of themselves and their surroundings. Their desire to explore new objects and people also is increasing. During this phase, children show greater independence, begin to show cheeky behavior, recognize themselves in mirror and imitate behavior of others.
Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase
- Ask him/her to find objects for you and name body parts and objects.
- Play matching games like shape sorting and simple puzzles.
- Help to develop language by talking with him/her and adding words for example if your toddler says “baba”, you can respond, Yes, you are right that is a bottle.
- Encourage your children growing independently by helping them in dressing and eating.
- Encourage the curiosity of children and ability to recognize common objects by taking field trips together to park or going on ride.
- Because children are moving around more, they come across more dangers. Dangerous situations can happen quickly, so keep close eye on children.
- Do NOT leave children near or around water i.e. bathtubs, pools, ponds, lakes, whirlpools & ocean without closely watching them.
- Ensure that your home is children proof by placing plug covers on all unused electrical outlets.
- Keep kitchen appliances, irons and heaters out of reach of children.
- Keep sharp objects such as scissors, knives and pens in a safe place.
- Lock up medicines, household cleaners and poisons.
- DO NOT leave your children alone in vehicle i.e. car or van, even for a few moments.
- Keep your children on rear-facing seat of car, it is the best way to keep them safe.
- Give your children water and plain milk instead of sugary drinks.
- Your children may become a picky and erratic eater, offer selection of healthy food and let them choose.
- Limit screen time to develop media use plan for your family as recommends that it is best if children not use screen media.
- Your children will seem to be moving continually i.e. running, kicking, climbing or jumping. Let them be active as they are developing coordination and becoming strong.
- Make sure your children get recommended sleep each night: For children 1-2 years, 11–14 hours per 24 hours (including nap).
Children: 2-3 Years of Age
The skills such as taking turns, playing, make believe and kicking ball are developmental milestones of this age phase. Because of children’s growing desire is to be independent, this age phase is called ’horrific’ However, it can be an exciting time for parents and children. Children experience thinking, learning, social and emotional changes helping them to explore new world and make sense.
Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase
- Set special time to read books with your children.
- Encourage your children to take part in play.
- Help your children to explore things around them.
- Encourage your children to tell you their name and age.
- Teach your children simple poems or cultural childhood rhymes.
- Provide your children attention and praise when they follow instructions and show positive behavior as well as limit attention for defiant behavior.
- Because your children are moving around, they may come across the dangerous situations, so keep a close eye on your children.
- Encourage your children to chew the food well and be sitting position when eating to prevent choking.
- Encourage your children not to put pencils or crayons in their mouth when coloring or drawing.
- DO NOT hold hot drinks while your children are sitting on your lap.
- Your children may change what food they like from day to day. It’s normal behavior and it is the best not to make an issue of it.
- Keep television sets out of bedroom of your children. Set limits for screen time for your children not more than 1 hour per day of quality programming at home, school or afterschool care to develop a media use plan for your family.
- Encourage free play as much as possible helps your children in staying active and to develop strong motor skills.
- Make sure your children get recommended sleep each night: For toddlers 1-2 years, 11–14 hours per 24 hours (including nap).
Emotional/Social Development
- Develop more independence from parents and family.
- Start to think about the future.
- Understand more about their place/position in world.
- Pay more attention to friendships and teamwork.
- Want to be liked and accepted by society.
Thinking and Learning
- Show rapid development of intellectual abilities.
- Learn to describe experiences.
- Interested to talk about thoughts and feelings.
- Have less focus on one’s self and more concern for others.
Emotional/Social Changes
- Start to form stronger friendships and peer relationships.
- Become aware of their body as puberty approaches. Body image and eating problems sometimes start around this age phase.
Thinking and Learning
- Face more academic challenges at school.
- Become more independent from family.
- Begin to see the point of view of others more clearly.
- Have an increased attention span.
- Helping children cope with stress and worries
Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase
- Spend time for children to talk about their friends, accomplishments, and what challenges they face.
- Be involved in schooling and visit school to meet teachers.
- Encourage children to join school and community groups i.e. sports team and volunteer for charity.
- Help children to develop their own sense of right and wrong.
- Talk with children about risky and dangerous things.
- Help your children develop sense of responsibility by involving your children in household tasks like cleaning and cooking.
- Talk with your children about saving and spending money wisely.
- Meet with families of your children’s friends.
- Talk with your children about respecting others.
- Encourage your children to help people in need.
- Talk about what to do when others are not kind or disrespectful.
- Help your children set their own goals.
- Encourage children to think about skills they need to develop.
- Make clear rules and stick to them.
- Talk with your children what you expect from them (Behavior).
- Use discipline to guide and protect your children instead of punish them to make them feel bad.
- Help your children think about their accomplishments by saying “you must be proud of yourself” rather than simply “I am proud of you”.
- Encourage children to make good choices when nobody is around to praise them.
- Talk with your children about normal physical and emotional changes of puberty.
- Talk your children about schoolwork and homework.
- Be affectionate and honest with your children to do things together.
- Make sure your children wear helmet when riding bike or skateboard.
- Many children reach home from school before their parents come from work. It is important to have clear rules and plans for your children when they are alone at home.
- Provide fruits and vegetables and limit foods high in solid fats, added sugars or salt to prepare healthier foods for family meals.
- Keep television sets out of your children’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time to develop media plan for your family.
- Encourage your children to participate in physical activities that are age appropriate and enjoyable i.e. running, muscle strengthening, bone strengthening and jumping rope.
- Make sure children get recommended sleep each night: For school age children 6-12 years, 9-12 hours per 24 hours (including nap).
Young Teenage: 12-14 Years of Age
This age phase is marked with physical, mental, emotional and social development along with hormonal changes cause puberty. Most boys grow facial and pubic hair and their voices deepen. Most girls grow pubic hair, breasts and start their periods. This is a time when your children may face peer pressure to use alcohol, tobacco products, drugs use and to have sexual inclination. Other challenges can be eating disorders, depression and family problems. At this age, teenagers make choices about friends, sports and school. Developing domains during this age are as under:
Emotional/Social Development
- Show more concern about body image and look.
- Focus between expectations and lack of confidence.
- Experience more moodiness.
- Show interest and influence by peer group.
- Express less affection toward parents.
- Sometimes may seem rude or short-tempered.
- Feel stress from more challenging schoolwork.
- Develop eating problems.
- Feel sadness which can lead to poor grades at school.
- Helping children cope with stress and worries.
Thinking and Learning
- Be better able to express feelings through talking.
- Develop stronger sense of right and wrong.
Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase
- Meet and know the friends of your children.
- Show interest in your school life.
- Help your teenager to make healthy choices.
- Respect opinions of teenager to take thoughts and feelings into account. It is important, they know you are listening to them.
- When there is conflict, be clear about goals and expectations i.e. getting good grades, keeping things clean and showing respect, but allow your teenager input how to reach those goals i.e. when and how to study or clean.
- Make sure your teenager knows the importance of wearing seatbelts.
- Encourage your teenager to wear helmet while riding bike.
- Talk with your teenager about harmful impacts of drugs, drinking, smoking and risky activity.
- Talk with your teenager about the importance of having friends interested in positive activities.
- Set clear rules for your teenager when they are at home alone.
- Teach how to handle emergency situation, completing homework or household tasks.
- Encourage your teenager to be physically active. They may join team sport or take individual sport i.e. helping with household tasks such as mowing lawn or washing car also keep active.
- Meal time is important for families. Eating together helps teenagers to make better choices about the foods they eat.
- Promote healthy weight and give your family members time to talk with each other.
- Keep television sets out of your teenager’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time, including cell phones, computers, video games and other devices to develop family media plan.
- Make sure your children recommended sleep each night: For teenagers 13-18 years, 8-10 hours per 24 hours (Including nap).
Teenagers: 15-17 Years of Age
This is the age phase characterized with thinking, feelings, interact with others and how their bodies grow. Most girls are physically mature by now and have completed puberty. Boys will be maturing physically during this phase. Teenagers may have concerns about their body size, shape and weight. Eating disorders also can be common, especially among girls. During this phase, children are developing their unique personality typology. Relationship with friends are still important, your teenagers will have other interests as they develop more clear sense of self. Developing domains during this age phase are as under:
Emotional/Social Changes
- Have more interest in romantic relationships.
- Go through less conflict with parents.
- Show more independence from parents.
- Have capacity of caring for developing intimate relationships.
- Spend less time with parents and more time with friends.
- Feel sadness which can lead to poor grades at school.
Thinking and Learning
- Learn more defined work habits.
- Show more concern about future school and work plans.
- Be better able to give reasons for their choices including about what is right or wrong.
Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase
- Talk with your teenagers about their concerns and pay attention to any change in behavior.
- Ask your children if they have extreme thoughts, particularly if they seems sad or depressed. Asking about extreme thoughts will not cause them to have these thoughts, but it will let them know that you care about how they feel.
- Show interest in schooling and co-curricular activities to encourage your children and also get them involved in sports and art.
- Encourage your children to volunteer and become involved in civic activities in community.
- Compliment your teenagers to celebrate their accomplishments.
- Show affection for your teenagers by spending time together.
- Respect the opinion of your children by listen them.
- Encourage teenagers to develop solutions to problems or conflicts.
- Help teenagers to learn and make good decisions.
- If teenagers engage in interactive internet media such as games, chat rooms and instant messaging, encourage them to make good decisions about what they post and amount of time they spend on these activities.
- Help your children to plan ahead in difficult or uncomfortable situations.
- Respect your teen’s need for privacy.
- Encourage your children to get enough sleep, exercise and to eat healthy and balanced meals.
- Talk with your teenagers about the dangers of driving and how to be safe on road.
- Remind your teenagers to wear helmet when riding bike.
- Talk with your children about the dangers of drugs, drinking, smoking and risky activities.
- Encourage your children to get sufficient sleep, physical activity and to eat healthy and balanced meals.
- Keep television sets out of your children’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time, including cell phones, computers, video games and other devices to develop family media plan.
- Encourage your children to have meals with family.
- Eating together will help to make better choices about food they eat.
- Promote healthy weight and give family members time to talk with each other. In addition, a child who eats meals with family is more likely to get better grades and less likely to smoke, drink, use drugs and also less likely to get into fights or think about extremism.
- Make sure children get recommended sleep: For teenagers 13-18 years, 8-10 hours per 24 hours (including nap).
Benefits of Positive Parenting
Self-Development of Children
Positive parenting can promote confidence among children and provide them with the tools needed to make good choices. It also nurtures self-esteem, creativity and ability to adjust in society. It fosters respectful relationships built on healthy and adult expectations. When children feel strong bond with parents, they are likely to behave appropriately and grow up to be resilient, confident, caring and responsible adults.
Fewer Behavior Problems
It is observed that using positive discipline yields positive outcomes in terms of children’s behavior and emotional maturity. In contrast to harsh and punitive parenting in early childhood result in more behavior problems. Parents who are cold, uninvolved and unresponsive raise kids with worse self-regulation which exacerbates the children’s behavior issues.
Close Parent-child Relationship
The positive parents do not need to punish their children to correct problematic behavior. There is no more yelling, power struggle or hostility. As a result, parent-child dynamics change and their relationship improves. Furthermore, mutual respect and open communication strengthen the parent-child relationship.
Better Self-esteem and Mental Well-being
Children raised with the positive parenting techniques have higher self-esteem. They believe they can do things as well as most other kids. These children are also more resilient and those who are resilient with self-confidence have less family conflict and better connections with their loving parents. They tend to have better mental health.
Greater School Performance
Positively parented children enjoy more academic success. A better parent-child relationship resulting from this parenting style is also highly associated with school performance.
Better Social Competence
Children brought through positive parenting have better social problem-solving skills and social self-efficacy. They are well-adjusted and have strong sense of self.
Self-esteem and Less Stress
Children are not the only ones who benefit from positive parenting techniques, parents who practice positive discipline also gain self-esteem and confidence in their parenting. They have less parenting-related stress as their children have self-discipline and are well-behaved.
Rationale for Positive Parenting
Parents need to do all what they try to meet their own needs and cope with their personal struggles. Parents are susceptible to different types of problems that can greatly affect how they take care and manage their families, especially in how they are guided and raise their children. According to expert, some common issues faced by parents include:
- Developmental Concerns i.e. Physical, Emotional, Mental & Education.
- Aggressive, Violating and Maladaptive Behaviors of Children.
- Internal Family Tensions and Suppressions.
- Lack of Confidence and Self-esteem.
- Adolescence or Teenage Issues.
Objectives of Positive Parenting
Although becoming parents is rewarding, it is also challenging because the responsibilities that parents must fulfil are meaningful for physical growth and intellectual development of children. Parents are required to:
- Meet primary and secondary needs of children i.e. home, food, education and healthcare.
- Support children to be creative, safe and constructive environment.
- Raise good children who can contribute to family, society and country.
Provide loving, supportive and caring home environment.
Parents as Counselor
Positive parenting aims to implant practical knowledge, guidance and the most effective support to parents without personal judgment, strengthen existing parenting abilities and promote the development of new competencies so that parents have advance acquaintance and skills needed to carry out child-rearing responsibilities and provide their children with experiences and opportunities that ensure Holistic Development as well as practical learning of children. Positive parenting enables to be a successful and refined ‘Parent as Counsellor’. Parenting Counseling services offer techniques helping parents to get better understanding of their parenting style and face as well as eventually conquer their personal concerns, bringing harmony to family and peace in household. Parenting counseling is a multi-fold approach and multi-step process in which results cannot be expected immediately.
Parents are encouraged to work with professionals during schooling hours. Just like in any counseling, parents to get suggested to relive from painful memories. They may initially become uncomfortable or anxious to share them. Positive parenting through parenting counseling is recommended for all parents.
Parents/Students Message
Parents and students are encouraged to meet/contact our Counseling Personals if you find any developmental delay or you seek professional help to learn healthy parents-children relationship in order to ensure the age-appropriate development. You are also suggested to comprehend the following developmental models/theories:
Pre-schooler: 3-5 Years of Age
The skills such as naming colors, showing affection and hopping on one’s foot are developmental milestones of this age phase. Children show interest to play, learn, speak, behave and move i.e. crawling, walking, jumping etc. Their interactions with family and around them help to shape their personality and thinking patterns. During this phase, children be able to ride tricycle, help to dress and undress themselves, play with children, recall part of story and hymn a poem.
Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase
- Continue to explore to your children.
- Nurture love for books by taking them to library.
- Let your children help with simple chores.
- Encourage your children to play with other children helping them to learn the value of sharing and friendship.
- Be clear and consistent when disciplining your children. Explain the behavior that you expect from them. Whenever you ask them NO, follow up with what they should be doing instead.
- Help your children develop good language skills by speaking in complete sentences and using “grown up” words. Help them to use the correct words and phrases.
- Help your children through to solve problems when they are upset.
- Provide your children limited number of simple choices i.e. deciding what to wear, when to play and what to eat for snack.
- As your children become more independent and spend more time in outside world, it is important that you and your children are aware about ways to stay safe.
- Tell your children why it is important to stay out of traffic and not to play in the street or run after stray balls.
- Be cautious when letting your children ride tricycle. Ask them to stay on sidewalk and away from street and always wear helmet.
- Check outdoor playground equipment. Make sure there is no loose parts or sharp edges.
- Watch your children all times, especially when they are playing.
- Teach your children to swim, but watch them all swimming time.
- Keep your children in forward-facing car seat with harness.
- Once your children outgrow the forward-facing car seat with harness will be time for him to travel in booster seat, but still in back seat.
- Eat meals with your children whenever possible. Let your children see you enjoying fruits, vegetables and whole grains at meals. Your children should eat and drink only limited amount of food containing added sugars, solid fats or salts.
- Keep television sets out of your children’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time for your children not more than 1 hour per day of quality programming at home, school or afterschool care to develop media plan for your family.
- Provide your children with age appropriate play equipment i.e. balls and plastic bats, but let your pre-schooler choose what to play which makes moving and being active fun for pre-schooler.
- Make sure your children get recommended sleep: For pre-schooler 3-5 years, 10-13 hours per 24 hours (including nap).
Middle Childhood: 6-8 Years of Age
Middle childhood brings changes in life of children. By this time, children are able to dress themselves, catch ball and tie shoes. Having independence from family becomes important. Starting school bring children into regular contact with larger world. Friendship becomes important. Physical, social and mental skills develop quickly. This is critical time to develop confidence through friends, schoolwork and sports. Developing domains during this age phase are as under:
Suggestions for Positive Parenting at This Age Phase
- Show affection for your children.
- Recognize and appreciate their accomplishments.
- Help your children develop the sense of responsibility.
- Ask them to help with household tasks such as setting the table.
- Talk with your children about school, friends and things they look forward in future.
- Talk with your children about respecting others.
- Encourage them to help people in need.
- Help your children set their own achievable goals.
- Children to learn take pride and rely less on reward from others.
- Help children learn patience by letting others go first.
- Encourage children to foresee consequences before taking action.
- Make clear rules and ask children to stick to them i.e. how long to watch TV and when to play as well as when to go for bed.
- Do fun together as family such as playing games, reading books and going to events in community.
- Get involved with schooling of your children. Meet school’s staff to get understanding about their learning and how you and school can work together to help your children to achieve more.
- Continue to observe and explore your children.
- Use discipline to guide and protect your children rather than punish them to make them feel bad.
- Follow up the discussion what not to do with discussion of what to do instead.
- Praise your children for good behavior. It is best to focus praise on what your children do than on they cannot change.
- Support your children in taking new challenges.
- Encourage your children to solve problems such as disagreement with another child or on his/her own.
- Encourage your children to join groups in school and community i.e. sports team or take advantage of volunteer opportunities.
- The physical ability and independence can put children at risk for injuries from falls and other accidents. Motor vehicle crashes are the most common from unintentional injury among children at this age.
- Teach your children to watch out for traffic and how to be safe when walking to school, riding a bike and playing outside.
- Make sure your children understand water safety and supervise them while swimming or playing near water.
- Supervise your children when they are engaged in risky activities.
- Talk with your children how to ask for help when they are in needs.
- Keep potentially harmful tools, equipment and firearms out of your children’s reach.
- Parents can help make schools healthier. Work with your children’s school.
- E your children have almost 1x hour for physical activity each day.
- Keep television sets out of your children’s bedroom. Set limits for screen time for your children at home, school or afterschool to develop media plan for your family.
- Be role model by eating healthy food.
- Make sure your children get recommended sleep: For school age children 6-12 years, 9-12 hours per 24 hours (including nap).
Middle Childhood: 9-11 Years of Age
Your children are growing for independence and interest at this phase. Healthy friendship is important, but peer pressure can become strong. Children who feel good about themselves are more able to resist negative peer pressure and make better choices. It is an important time for children to gain sense of responsibility along with their growing independence. The physical changes of puberty may be shown, especially for girls. Children need to prepare for junior school. Developing domains during this age phase are as under:
Introduction to Personality
The unique individual characteristics of person that make him/her different from others is called personality. All individuals are naturally different in patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving which is also termed as personality. Each person possesses strengths and areas of improvement (Inadequacies/Weaknesses).
Self-exploration
Keeping the operational concept in view, every person is suggested to get through personality assessment in order to explore your personality type explaining your strengths and areas of development along with suitable professions according to your personality typology.
Key Benefits of Personality Exploration
- The more you understand about your personality type, better you will able to review and evaluate the personality typology system.
- The more you understand about personality type of self and other, better you will be able to realize what education, profession and occupation is suitable for you.
- Understanding strengths and areas of improvement of self and others will enable you to deal with people keeping their personality limitations and protocols in view.
- Knowing the personality type of those people you are living with enables you to meaningfully deal with them.
- Understanding the strengths of people helps us in task delegation and project responsibilities.
- Personality exploration highlights the areas of improvement enabling us to develop our personality.
- Understanding the personality type is central point to motivation for personal, social and professional development.
Suggestions for Personality Development
- Be congruent that you are created by ALLAH.
- Meet new people for the sake of socialization.
- Respect independence status of others people.
- Consider the rights of others to walk on right path.
- Value the norms of gender, age, grade and society.
- Avail the right options at right time in a right direction.
- Understand the people what they want to really share.
- Avoid to complement the people in presence of others.
- Maintain a balance emotion with required enthusiasm.
- Avoid penetrating into the secrecy and privacy of others.
- Be, cooperative, empathetic as well as supportive to others.
- Demonstrate a positive outlook and attitude towards others.
- Bring harmony among your thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
- Develop healthy interests in personal, social and professional life.
- Be a good listener to develop effective communication skills.
- Have integrity and behave people meaningfully: respect & ethics.
- Ask yourself regularly: "What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Who benefits from it?"
Introduction to Emotional Intelligence (EQ/EI)
Emotional Intelligence/Emotional Quotient (EI/EQ) is ability to recognize one’s own and others’ emotions. Emotional Intelligence helps in:
- Identification of human feelings.
- Label the emotions appropriately.
- Use emotional information in healthy direction.
- Guide thinking and behavior pattern in accordance with emotional state.
It is significant for personal, social and professional as well as institutional /organizational development, because the principles of emotional intelligence provide directions to assess people's behaviors, management styles, attitudinal disposition and interpersonal skills. It is also considered important in career selection, career planning, career development, human resource planning and job profiling along with recruiting the right selection for quality working. It is strongly linked with concepts of ethics, respect, protocols, love and spirituality: bringing compassion and humanity. The wider perspective of emotional intelligence enable us to be successful human not only a progressive professional. We all have met people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially and inter-personally hopeless and we know that despite possessing a high I.Q. rating success does not follow.
Developing Self-awareness
Considering the first pillar of EQ, knowing what one is feeling at any given time and analyzing the impact of feelings on self and others. Self-awareness is having a clear perception of thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviors as it is foundation of emotional intelligence which differentiates low performers from high performers. Self-awareness allows us to perceive ourselves and others with respect to attitude and responses towards surroundings. Developing self-awareness is important in every stage of life at school, at college, at university, at workplace and at home. Practicing the following suggestions leads to develop self-awareness.
- Self-assessment. Set time for self-assessment in solitude.
- Socialization. Peopling skills can bring raise in self-awareness.
- Practice Norms. Learn to respond acceptably as per norms.
- Diary Keeping. Write a diary for both cathartic and enlightening.
- Ownership. Take responsibility of your actions and consequences.
Developing Self-confidence, Self-regulation/Self-control
Our self-assurance in trusting our abilities, capacities and judgments is called self-confidence. Controlling or re-directing one’s emotions and anticipating consequences before taking action is called self-regulation. Self-control is ability to manage actions and decisions you take in routine life. One of the key parts of culture is to focus on self-improvement. A person with self-control is able to meet temptations and distractions calmly. You should take charge of your life confidently. By following simple steps, you can build, strengthen and maintain self-control. There are two main things contribute to self-confidence: (1) self-efficacy (Your belief in your innate ability to achieve goals: It as a personal judgement “how well you can execute courses of action required to deal with prospective situations”) and (2) self-esteem (Confidence in one’s own worth or self-respect). You are being guided to follow the suggestions to boost self-confidence:
- Better Outlook. If you dress up nicely, you feel presentable and ready to manage the world around you.
- Personal Schema. Use mental photo shopping skills to work on your self-image. If it is not a good one, change it.
- Positive Attitude. Replace negative thoughts with positive one. With this tiny little skills, you may be able to achieve and change whole thought pattern in a short time frame.
- Avoid Negativity. Learn to aware of thoughts and feelings you have about yourself and what you are doing to recognize negative self-talk and techniques to change it.
- Monologue. Start listening your thoughts, writing a journal about the thoughts you have about yourself and analysing why you have such thoughts. Think about the good things about yourself and the things you can do well and the things you like.
- Enlist Positives and Negatives. Enlist suffering and prospering areas of your life. If you are failing all of your classes in school, you may need to study. If you are gaining weight at an alarming rate, you may need to sacrifice a few parts of your meals. Think of causes and solutions against every problem and write it down. Make it sure; you are not the only one with this problem. Students often refer to poor self-control when they have problems with diet, exercise, work/study habits and emotional behaviour.
- Identify and Focus on Un-controllable. Being informed makes the right decision easier. If you want to lose weight, taking the time to read about nutrition and healthy dieting will naturally motivate you. If you have friends with similar problems, ask them about their own experiences. By sharing notes, you get tips to coping mechanisms and strategies.
- Self-assessment. Start challenging yourself to control your behavior for a short span of time. If you are addicted to television, try turning it off for one day. Then work up to leaving it off for two days, then longer.
- Ask Family and Friends for Development. Share your family and friends to remind you about your goals whenever you fallback into bad behaviors. Family and friends can also join you in alternate actions when you are having trouble in controlling yourself.
- Change the Atmosphere. When you feel losing your self-control, immediately think of something else you can do. Go for a walk. Drink a glass of water. This will over-turn the train of thought and give you time to regain your self-discipline.
Developing Motivational Drive
Applying emotional factors to achieve goals, enjoy learning process and persevere in face of obstacles is known as motivation. It is a state of internal and external factors which encourages aspiration and liveliness to attain goals. Motivation possesses three types of conscious and unconscious factors such as:
(1) Intensity of desire or need.
(2) Incentive or reward of the goal.
(3) Expectations of individual and his/her peer.
Motivation and hopefulness can be strengthened by practicing following techniques.
- Create a Hymn. Hymn is a verbal statement that reinforces a positive mind-set which is helpful and keeps spirits high. It can be something simple like “I am strong and “I can get through this,” or “I can get more creative.
- Planning for Smart Goals. It is good to have big goals, but first start from small, achievable and measurable one. In addition to setting smart milestones, make sure they are measurable and specific in achievement.
- Commit and Accomplish Publicly. Commit your goals by sharing with your family and friends. Not only creating a support system, it will also help you to feel more accountable for achieving goal.
- Be Routine Oriented. It is important to develop routine that will keep you inspired and move toward accomplishment. Routine can differ from students to student, so do some experiments to find what works for you. You may find that a quick jog in morning clears your mind and improves your outlook. You may like to read a chapter for self-improvement before going to bed. It could even be as simple as walking up 15 minutes early so that you can eat a leisurely breakfast out on the porch before work. Whatever routine you choose, make sure it encourages peacefulness. If you are happy and relaxed, motivation will enhance.
- Assertive Mindedness. Optimism is a learnt mental state. In order to keep your motivation high, optimism should be learnt and sustained. The first step to learning optimism is to acknowledge the moments when you are being pessimistic. Once you have been acknowledged, you have the power to debate pessimism away.
Developing Empathy
Sensing the emotions and feelings of others. The ability to step into the shoes of other persons aiming to understand their feelings and perspectives for guiding our actions. Empathy encompasses both mental and emotional processes. It is natural, but it also can be learned. This habit can cultivate to improve the quality of lives. Practicing empathy can lead to greater connection with others in which you become more loving and less judgmental. Empathy can be fostered by through following suggestions:
- Identification of Emotions. To cultivate and increase empathy, you need to start with yourself. Pay close attention to your emotional state; consider what situation changes your emotion, what gives rise to positive or negative emotions.
- Cultivation of Curiosity. Empathic People (EPs) have curiosity about strangers. Curiosity expands empathy when you talk to people outside their usual social circle, exposure to lives and view the world from different angles. Crucially, it tries to understand the world inside the head of other person. Talk to person sitting next to you on the bus. Avoid be an examiner, be interest inquirer.
- Diverse Peopling Skills. Get to know people of all sects, ages, ethnicities, gender orientations, socio-economic backgrounds and level of abilities. The more types of people you get to know, the more experiences you will have to draw for increasing your empathy.
- Draw Similarities between You and Others. When we draw difference between ourselves and other people, it is difficult to understand others. Especially, find out similarities between you and people you do not like or who you disagree with. For greater empathy, seek out similarities between you and other species.
- Reflection of Perspective. Taking perspective encompasses the cognitive component of empathy and helps you to improve their own empathy. By imagining how others feel, you better identify with them. For instance, when witnessing someone else’s grief at the loss of a loved one, picture how you would feel losing someone close to you. While your experience is not the same as someone else’s, you can get close to how they feel through the lens of your own grief, whether imagined or real. This process is a building block in empathizing with others.
Developing Social skills
Managing relationships, inspiring others and inducing desired responses from them is the considered as social skills. Ability to respond and act acceptably according to norms of society for personal and community well-being is known as social skills. There are some common and essential social skills:
(1) Interpersonal
(2) Planning
(3) Collaboration
(4) Analysis
(5) Innovation
(6) Management
(7) Computer
(8) Organizational Leadership
You can make yourself positively socialized by following the techniques:
- Defeat Nervousness. Avoid from shyness. If you have not already, then you need to do so.
- Social Participation. You will never get better if do not get involved in various debates. It is good way to improve social skills. Talk to someone you would not usually talk.
- Build Self-esteem. You will succeed if you develop confidence, so recognize each small thing; you accomplish, realize that value has come from you and reside in you.
- Inter Personal Communication. At school, college, university, work, grocery store or at any other place, communication is powerful tool to enhance social skills.
- Maintain Inner Peace. People will like you when you are comfortable with yourself. You can help to grow these feelings by building your sense of self-worth.
Introduction to Intelligence
It is an ability to learn though reading materials/virtual mods/environment/data to comprehend, analyse and interact with one’s environment both verbally and non-verbally. This capacity also includes:
(1) Adaptability to adjust in the new/changed environment.
(2) Dimensions for knowledge and ability to acquire it.
(3) Capability for reasoning and abstract thought.
(4) Ability to comprehend associations.
(5) Ability to evaluate, judge and taking decisions.
(6) Diversity for original and productive thought.
Fluid and Crystallized Intelligence
Fluid intelligence is an ability to process new information, learn and solve problems whereas crystallized intelligence is stored knowledge, accumulated over the years. The two types work together and are equally important.
Achievement and Intelligence
Achievement is assessed through tests designed to measure students’ knowledge in content domain in which they have received instructions. In contrast to achievement, intelligence is assessed via tests broader in scope than achievement tests and are designed to measure cognitive skills, abilities and knowledge that students have accumulated as a result of their life experiences coupled with skills in application to problem-solving.
Basic and Applied Intelligence
Basic intelligence is fundamental or factual information about something that is collected and produced in results reports whereas applied intelligence is a way of combining artificial intelligence technologies with data analytics, automation and human ingenuity and applying them to solve our most complex issues. It enables to deliver intellectual insights to drive innovation and obtain outcomes. Intelligence can be measured in following two formats.
Abductive Reasoning and Algorithms
Abductive Reasoning is a type of logical inference starts with an observation and sets out to find the most likely, least complex explanation and delivers a plausible conclusion, but does not verify it absolutely whereas Algorithms is a sets of rules, initially set by humans for computer programs to follow.
Artificial Intelligence and Analogical Reasoning
Artificial Intelligence is broad term used to describe the set of technologies that enable machines to sense, comprehend, act and learn. When scientists and mathematicians began discussing how a mechanical device could be used to imitate the human process of mathematical deduction and Analogical Reasoning compares similarities between two concepts, systems or objects to draw conclusions about what is likely to be true about the new concept, system or object.
Inductive and Deductive Reasoning
Deductive Reasoning is the ability to comprehend through available facts, information or knowledge whereas Inductive Reasoning involves making a generalization from specific facts and observations. Deductive reasoning uses a top-down approach whereas inductive reasoning uses a bottom-up approach. Deductive reasoning moves from generalized statement to a valid conclusion, whereas Inductive reasoning moves from specific observation to a generalization. In deductive reasoning, the conclusions are certain, whereas, in Inductive reasoning, the conclusions are probabilistic. Deductive arguments can be valid or invalid, which means if premises are true, the conclusion must be true, whereas inductive argument can be strong or weak, which means conclusion may be false even if premises are true.
Verbal Intelligence and Non-verbal Intelligence
The ability to analyze information and solve problems by using language based reasoning is called Verbal Intelligence and the ability to analyze information & solve problems with a little or no use of language. It is with the one from one’s time of birth OR natural innate intelligence.
Benefits of IQ Assessment for Students
Measurement and applications of intellectual management results in following benefits for students:
(1) Helping to meet and enhance unique pattern of cognitive strengths.
(2) Preparing to get turnover from schooling and life experiences.
(3) Empowering to make career planning.
(4) Serving as baseline skill to produce reasoning abilities.
(5) Providing with potential to learn across the curriculum.
(6) Feeding with verbal and non-Verbal reasoning skills.
(7) Enabling to get success from screening programs of employers.
(8) Providing information regarding areas of strength and weakness.
(9) Allowing to be compared to age-or grade-peer.
(10) Helping in solving verbal, arithmetic and pictorial complications.
(11) Making fluent in questions and answers for competitive exams.
(12) Enabling to get knowledge of ratios, proportions, fractions and data interpretation etc.
(13) Moving beyond retaining and recalling information.
(14) Empowering in decision-making skills.
(15) An effective way to strengthen life skills.
(16) Facilitating in comprehension, evaluation and creativity.
(17) Transferring information to circle of professional skills circle.
Strategies to Improve Intellectual Management
Intellectual management capacity can be strengthened and improved through following practical suggestions:
(1) Establish gross motor exercises to develop fine motor skills.
(2) Challenge your brain to think differently includes reasons.
(3) Play logic/strategic puzzles and games.
(4) Work on challenging your brain in new ways.
(5) Get physical exercise for your sound physical development.
(6) Expand your thinking horizons to making your reasoning broader.
(7) Think of new procedures to do old things.
(8) Be observant and Keep track of your progress to develop more.
(9) Minimize distracting indicators and influences.
(10) Learn multiplication tables to find arithmetic reasoning.
(11) Visualize impacts of what you are doing.
(12) Use demonstration skills for learning up gradation.
(13) Consider background knowledge before learning new skills.
(14) Perform practice-centered activities for hands-on learning and practical skills development.
(15) Practice group working to make thinking more operational, concrete, productive and constructive.
(16) Memorizing certain common things will help you to sharpen retention skills.
(17) Learn the use of mnemonic strategies.
(18) Emphasize on writing for healthy results and group discussion for learning through shared experiences.
(19) Before starting conversation or task, ask for rules to get work done with quality within time frame.
(20) Do not get frustrated by opinions of others.
(21) Do not worry about incomplete tasks or if things do not seem/go logical. Sometimes it is okay to move-on and re-visit assignment later for betterment and quality enhancement.
(22) Club your information and develop a link between occurrences.
(23) Move ahead and place your knowledge into categories. It will help you to recall information when you need it for decision-making.
(24) Establish specific goals to manage step-by-step, do not hung-up.
(25) Develop logical and realistic verbal and non-verbal communication among concepts.
(26) Emphasize analyzing the conditions to find mature conclusions.
(27) Learn to get actual message of words to give them a meaningful understanding.
(28) Perform visual-motor and gross motor exercises.
(29) Learn multiplication tables and its patterns for quick and shortcut arithmetic skills.
(30) Develop realistic non-verbal communication among diagrams.
Introduction to Core Values
An ethic program for human to define a set of values that represent the moral ideals for human being and organization is called core values system. Core values are desirable and trans-situational goals that serve as guiding principles in life. When students think of their values, they think of what is important to them in their lives (Security, Independence, Wisdom, Success, Kindness and Pleasure). Each student holds numerous values with varying degree of importance. A particular value may be important to one student, but may be unimportant or less important to other student. So core values are differently defined like:
- Values are beliefs, tied indistinguishably to emotion, not objective and ideas.
- Values are motivational construct and refer to desirable goals which students strive to attain.
- Values guide the selection or evaluation of actions, policies, people and events.
- Values serve as standards or criteria.
The ten basic values are intended to include all core values recognized in cultures around the world.
Self-direction
- Independent thought and action; exploring, choosing and creating life goals/career.
Stimulation
(2) Create novelty with excitement in life to overcome career’s challenge.
Hedonism
(3) Bring pleasure and sensuous gratification for oneself.
Achievement
(4) Personal success through demonstrating competence according to social standards.
Preference
(5) Social status and prestige with sources and resources.
Security
(6) Safety, harmony and stability of society, of relationships and of self.
Conformity
(7) Restraint of actions, inclinations and impulses likely to upset and violate social expectations or norms.
Tradition
(8) Respect, commitment and acceptance of customs and ideas that traditional culture or religion provide the students.
Benevolence
(9) Preserving and enhancing the welfare of those with whom students is in frequent personal contact.
Universalism
(10) Understanding, appreciation, tolerance and protection for welfare of all people and nature.